PLAIN ENGLISH DEPARTMENT

TERMS &
SHIPPING.

Operated by Scallywag Media Inc. Updated 31 October 2026.

Ordering

Real purchases are open. Review your selected size, shipping information and final total in Stripe Checkout before paying.

Products and stock

The last run consists of remaining original Scallywag tees. Only counted available sizes can be purchased. Contact us if you need fit measurements before ordering. Product photos are from the original listings; colors can vary across screens. Future-design previews are not products for sale.

Shipping

USPS Ground Advantage: 1 shirt $5.95; 2 shirts $7.95; 3–4 shirts $9.95; 5–10 shirts $12.95. US shipping only. A mystery three-pack counts as three shirts. No international checkout is offered. Chris manually packs and ships. Ships from Van Nuys within 3 business days by USPS Ground Advantage (2–5 days). Sales tax collection is not enabled.

Shipping and returns

Ships from Van Nuys within 3 business days by USPS Ground Advantage (2–5 days).

USPS Ground Advantage: 1 shirt $5.95; 2 shirts $7.95; 3–4 shirts $9.95; 5–10 shirts $12.95. US shipping only. A mystery three-pack counts as three shirts.

Sales tax collection is not enabled.

Returns and exchanges. Wrong size? Tell us within 14 days of delivery and we'll swap it if we still have the size you need; if we don't, send it back unworn and unwashed for a refund of the shirt price. Return postage is on you; the replacement's postage is on us. Clearance and final-phase prices (from Dec 8) are final sale except for defects, which we'll replace or refund in full, photo required, no need to ship it back. Email [email protected]. Opinions printed on the shirt are not eligible for return.

Returns and order questions

Returns and exchanges. Wrong size? Tell us within 14 days of delivery and we'll swap it if we still have the size you need; if we don't, send it back unworn and unwashed for a refund of the shirt price. Return postage is on you; the replacement's postage is on us. Clearance and final-phase prices (from Dec 8) are final sale except for defects, which we'll replace or refund in full, photo required, no need to ship it back. Email [email protected]. Opinions printed on the shirt are not eligible for return. Contact [email protected] with questions.

Satire and artwork

Shirt slogans are satire and commentary. They imply no endorsement by any public person, company or institution. Please do not reproduce the artwork commercially without permission.

Privacy

Read our privacy notice for the cart, checkout, marketing opt-in and visit analytics.